yanoblog

It’s been six months since my last Drool Tools posting. In that time, I’ve picked up two more regular readers of my blog, so this next part is directed at that half of my audience.

Drool Tools is my attempt to mourn the decline of the Cool Tools website. It used to be filled with interesting tools. Then, perhaps because of the pressures of needing to post regularly, the content started to go from cool to drool. Hence my clever name. I gave up posting for the last six months once a mock “Cool Tool” that I created became real (read about it here). Since then, I decided to Let It Go.

But no longer. There have been too many dumb postings lately.

Exhibit A. A Belt That’s right. A belt. The description starts:

I’ve never been a fan of notches. But most cinch belts just don’t do the job.

Why not suspenders? Hold, before I go too far, I should check…Oh. My. God. They have done suspenders.

Anyway, moving right along in our tour of silliness, we have

Exhibit B. Popcorn Popper as Coffee Roaster.

Ah, where to begin. First of all, this is not what I would consider a cool tool so much as a cool hack. And it’s not a particularly novel one.

But most importantly, the instructions for doing it on the website are really, really bad.

Roasting doesn’t produce a lot of smoke, but does produce enough to set off a smoke detector. Be sure to disable it while you’re roasting inside.

Um. No. It can produce a huge amount of smoke. Don’t do it inside, ever. That’s what the experts say. Also these folks say it’s smoky and these folks emphasize the dangers.

Next cool tool: you can use pots, pans, and some glass beakers to make a stovetop meth lab. It’s safe too.

Exhibit C. A Windbreaker.

The 80s called. They want their “cool tool” back.

Exhibit D. Another book. Sigh. This one is on snowflakes.

What a useful tool.

Exhibit E. A timer made just for Yoga.

The idea that you’d need a special timer for meditation is kinda, well, weird. Other upcoming tools include a voice memo recorder for monks with vows of silence and special guns for mixed martial arts fighters.

Exhibit F. Another Belt.

Oh, the hell with it. I give up.

They win.